Controlling Rodents and Vermin

This section is by request. Note the title used the word “control,” not “eradicate”. I am a landscaper. I plant flowers. I am not a zoologist nor an entomologist. I am happy to help you create beauty, and grow food, but I am not into waging war with animals. I am the happy, lazy gardener. My guiding principle has always been, “Plant whatever looks good in the catalog. If it thrives, leave it. If it dies, plant something else.” One of the reasons something may not thrive is pests. And I have had some experiences that you won’t read in any product catalog.

By definition, any animal, of any size, that ruins your landscaping or spreads disease is a pest. That includes ants, aphids, flies, some beetles, most grubs, web caterpillars, moles, gophers, mice, rats, crows, starlings, squirrels, deer, rabbits, the neighbors’ cats, and maybe even your own dog. A critter that stays where you want him, and does his job there, is not a pest. Furthermore, bees, ladybird beetles, lacewings, sowbugs, millipedes, snakes, owls, skunks, frogs and fish are not pests. Think of the definition of a weed, “A plant out of place.” If the rat would stay in the compost heap, turning it, shredding it, he would be a friend, an aide, not a pest. But he won’t. He wants to sleep in the house. So he becomes a pest.

I am big into natural and humane methods, probably because I grew up in the 60’s. You’ll have to indulge me. I don’t want to spread chemicals around, not just because it might be a problem for the ecosystem, but because I have grandkids, and I don’t want them in the poisons. But there is a price we pay no matter what decisions we make, and that is exactly what no catalog will tell you. No natural method will ever get rid of as many pests as chemicals will. You have to know that up front.

When I say I am lazy, I do not mean to imply that I don’t spend lots of time working with my landscaping. I just want to do what I want to do, not what I am forced to do because of some pest, or because of some county ordinance. I grind up every limb I prune. I compost every organic item that lands in my yard, gets dug out, or passes through the kitchen. I re-arrange edging, and move whole flower beds. I am slowly replacing all grass with flowers and ground cover. I have already removed all areas formerly given over to rock. I like to be in a place that smells nice and blooms prettily 365 days a year.

In the process, I displace a mouse, a squirrel, or a hornets nest. And then I have to deal with a pest. Over the years I have trapped out dozens of moles, but the current denizen is Marty, and he is a welcome guest. Marty is smarter than the average mole. A mole aerates and turns the soil. Marty is wonderful in the garden, in the strawberries, and in the daylilies that grow on the fence. But I want no mole hills in the walkways or the lawn. So far Marty has done his job, in the right places, for three years. He is no pest. But should he get arrogant, or careless, or testy, and put up a hill right where the grandson likes to crawl, I’ll have to set the trap for Marty. I am not so attached that I lose my perspective. We can co-exist, Marty and I, so long as he minds his manners.

I have found the Victor traps to be the best for all furry little pests. I have tried smoke, sound, electricity, scents, vibrators, live traps, indeed every gimmick in every catalog. But the fastest, most humane, most permanent are killing, Victor traps. But, you have to learn how to set them right. I paid Robin M. $125 to teach me how to sift the dirt, pack a dirt ball, avoid human odors, cover the trap, and all the rest. Now I charge the same to teach others. It is frustrating to keep setting traps that don’t work because one does not know the habits of the pest, or does not know how to effectively use the trap. And the packaging never tells you what to really do. Packages are like recipes. You try it, and it isn’t at all like Aunt Melba served at the reunion. So you call Aunt Melba. “Oh yeah,” she says, “I don’t do that at all. Double the ___, add a pinch of ___, delete the ___.” I think we have all had the experience. In short, e-mail me, and I’ll walk you through it.

We have a bunch of Cedar trees across the street, blocking the view of the mountain, shading the garden, acidifying the soil—in short, pests. And they harbor gosh-only-knows how many squirrels. Now understand, the only difference between a rat and a squirrel is the fur on the tail. Actually, rats are usually nicer. Anyway, one has children, and children think guinea pigs, hamsters and bunnies are “pets”. They misspell the word. So one has to use a live trap on squirrels, or rabbits, and then transport them to the national forest, 35 miles up the road. A waste of gas, but it keeps peace in the family, and it is a pretty outing. The neighbor has a huge walnut tree, and the squirrels are welcome there. In fact, I don’t mind them in the bird feeder, on the wall, or playing tag in the flowers (so long as they don’t knock over the fragile crocus). To tell the truth, I don’t mind sharing the plums, cherries and apples with the squirrel either—so long as he picks just one and eats the whole thing. But squirrels are like people, they come in many personalities. So every once in a while a juvenile delinquent is born in the Cedars. He wants to strip the tree of young, green fruit. My live trap is in the tree, baited with peanut butter. I relocate the delinquents (9 of them last year.) The calm, sedate, long-time residents who play, chitter and feed in the walnut can look forward to a long friendship, without the risk of eviction.

The Native Americans taught the Pilgrims to plant a fish in the hole along with the vegetable seeds. The decaying fish fertilized the seed, and produced wonderful vegetables. Trapped (and dead) mice, rats, moles and so forth (I’d add squirrels, deer and cats—but I live in the Soviet Socialist Republik of Washington where the bleeding-heart idiots run the legislature and made it illegal.) do the same - thus disposal is never an issue. Earth is a wonderful recycler.

I use red plastic apples coated with sticky trap for whiteflies, flies and moths; water traps for hornets, japanese beetles, and flies: natural, earth dusts and diatomaceous earth for fungus, to disguise the fruit, and to desiccate bugs; and beer in small tins so that the slugs and snails can feast and die happy. I use predatory insects, row covers, and fingers. (Squashing aphids on rose leaves is such a delight. Really relieves all those pent-up, latent, political frustrations. And it is so easy to wash off.) But I have to warn you about natural gardening. I hope you grew up in a religion that taught the value of sharing. (For a great catalog of natural gardening supplies, see Gardens Alive of Lawrenceburg, IN.)

Be logical for a moment. If a lacewing eats all the bugs in the garden, he dies. Thus, no predator will ever eat all the critters damaging your crops. There is a balance. It is like luring a skunk into the yard. Skunks keep most other pests away, but at what cost? Like the smell? They also eat eggs, so you can’t raise chickens. The simple fact of the matter is, a natural gardener will be sharing about one-third of the crop with the critters. And you just have to be happy about that. Now, truth to tell, I wouldn’t mind in the slightest if the broccoli creeper ate one head, and left the rest alone, or if the apple maggot ate one apple and left the rest alone. But they are not well-mannered at all. These gangs of teens are bent on causing universal damage. Nematodes leave all the carrots gnarled. Slugs take off every new bean sprout. Peach borers kill the WHOLE DARNED TREE, for crying out loud. But plants, mostly, are hardy, and fight back. With natural gardening, you reach a truce, and you do get flowers, fruit and vegetables, albeit with rough edges, black spots, and holes.

As a kid my Mom had a Bing Cherry tree, and boy do I love cherries. I am one of the few that can eat them all day without consequence. But, eventually, Mom’s tree got “worms”. These insect larva ate tiny holes through the cherries. Sometimes they stayed inside to pupate. Mom fought them with chemicals, to no avail. So she gave up, and let the birds have the cherries. Until I came home to visit one day during cherry season. Did you know that since those little worms eat cherries, they taste like cherries? And they have the same consistency too. I really enjoyed my day. Fruit and protein in one great snack. Hey, if John the Baptist can live thirty years on locusts, which are ugly and big, who am I to turn down a gift of protein?

Attitude is what divides the non-gardener, the chemical gardener, and the natural gardener. I get about 70 percent of my crop for me. My wife bottles hundreds of jars of pears, peaches, applesauce, cherries, tomatoes and more. But we also put in a LOT of work slicing and trimming. And we generate a lot of compost. Did you know that leaves, fruit fragments, weeds, shredded rose stems, pumpkin rinds and the leftovers the dog would not eat, when allowed to molder in the sun, not only provide a haven for red worms (which in turn aerate your garden, and help roots develop and nutrients reach your crops), but also turn into rich, black soil in less than a year? The ground level of our yard has actually grown about 3 inches higher in the last 15 years, across the whole yard. Astounding.

People who don’t compost and return plants to the yard have three negatives working against them. My Dad is a classic example. His yard is actually a foot lower than when grandpa bought it, and it is absolutely sterile. Won’t grow a thing without tons of chemical fertilizer, and then what it does grow is hardly edible. I eat food for vitamins and trace minerals, not for overdoses of K-P-N. That’s because Dad puts everything out for the city to pick up. And then he pays them to do so. Triple loss on his part. Meanwhile, the city has contracted the yard waste recycling to private enterprise. They compost what Dad paid them to take, and then they sell it to the natural gardeners in town. Nice, profitable gig. And Dad and Mom, since they won’t enrich the soil, use chemicals, and shun cherries, are in such poor health that they probably won’t live to see their hundredth birthday. Had they not grown up on organic farms, both of them, they’d be dead already.

Which brings up chemicals. Facts are facts. If you cannot live with and share with pests, you either move to a condo in the concrete city, or you use chemicals. And chemicals do the most damage on the small and the young. Old men, like me, can probably live a long and full life, full of chemicals, provided we ingested them after we were already old and grown. But they are fatal to rats and to kids. I have had cockroaches, mice, rats, wasps, ants, spiders and other creatures attempt to share my residence. Spider traps worked. Boron syrup worked (ants, roaches). Victor traps worked (mice). But rats are too smart. Natural means did not work. A well-trained dachshund can clean them out, but again, at what collateral cost. Cats don’t usually work so well. Besides, neither can get into the joists between the floors, or into the walls, like the rats can. Caulking holes doesn’t work either. But one-bite poison bars do. There are times when intelligence has to win out over principles.

While we are on chemicals—Grandma (my wife) is really careful about what she’ll buy at the store and feed the kids and grandkids. But me? Gosh, I don’t care if the grapes were grown in Chile or Mexico or the North Slope. I don’t even wash them. As I said, I am already old. And it has been medically proven that poisons effect the old only slightly. I am far more likely to die of old age, than of complications from trace chemicals. And some things respond to nothing else. I had to decide between peaches and poison. I loved Lindane, till they took it off the market. Malathione is not nearly so good. But I do not spray it! I paint it, carefully, on the peach tree trunk. One bottle lasts years. I do spray copper and sulphur for disease control, and canola oil and soap for insect eggs. These natural substances hurt no one, and actually improve the environment. I use ammonia, shampoo, beer, vegetable oil and urine, mixed in a big sprayer with tons of water, on the grass. Jerry Baker, up in New England somewhere, taught me that one. He is another great source for natural information. Ammonia kills slugs, and fertilizes. Shampoo and beer break down thatch, and fertilize. (I am always shy about buying beer, as I do not drink, and everyone knows it. They seldom believe it is for grass and slugs, so I have to buy it out of town.) Vegetable oil smothers insects, and shampoo (or soap) breaks the cell walls of single-celled, disease organisms. And urine gets rid of one of the worst pests around—dogs. In effect, I end up “marking” my territory. They stay away. And it sends the same message to moles. Maybe that is why Marty is well-behaved.

It took me 45 years of trial and error, education and reading, conversations over the fence, and just plain fortitude to get where I am. I am happy to be one of your advisors, but you will have to do some reading, and some trial and error of your own too. Get the catalogs I’ve mentioned. Read Jerry’s book. And drop an e-mail whenever you like.

Joel